My fellow networker, Raymond Fong, wrote this article and I really liked the message. So many times we think we are something we are not and hopefully we realize it sooner than later. Let’s start this new year off peeling back the layers to find our authentic selves and accepting us for who we are. I wanted to share Raymond’s article with you:
As we approach the new year, amidst all the festivities and excitement, I hope you reserve a little bit of yourself to do some reflection. I hope you get a chance to look deep within your very being, your core, your spirit and find out exactly who you really are.
An event happened a few weeks ago that forced me to re-examine myself.
And I don’t mean in a, “oh, yeah, I am fine, I am Raymond Fong, who else would I be” type of way. I am talking about the sort of examination that forces you to stare at your ugliest inner demons, your greatest fears, your most hated alter ego, your most embarrassing weakness, and say to yourself…
“Yes, that is who I am.“
You see, what I was doing (and odds are, you may be doing too) is living my life thinking I was something that frankly, I wasn’t. At my core, if I were to cut through all my bulls**t that I’ve weaved to help me feel better about myself, I would find out that the way I’ve been projecting to myself, and to the world was in a sense fake – to a degree.
Now don’t get me wrong, that’s not to say that I’ve been living a lie – I haven’t been. But I have held beliefs that just weren’t true, beliefs that my ego forced on myself.
It was undoubtedly a very scary and frustrating moment – to realize that perhaps who I thought I was and what I thought I was capable of… wasn’t true. That maybe, just maybe, I really wasn’t as good as I thought. And that maybe, just maybe, the next person may in reality be better than me.
Every one of us has strengths, and everyone of us has weaknesses. Realizing your strength will help you conquer the world but before you can do so, you must first realize your weakness and conquer thyself.
Denial & Ego – Your Greatest Enemies
It’s in moments when you are in denial of your weakness (and you are so entrenched in your denial that you don’t even realize that you are in denial) that you find yourself having to prove to the world that you are something you are not. It’s in those moments that you may not do as well as you’d like and yet… can’t understand why.
And there exists a disconnect.
You focus on the failure, on the CAUSE for that failure, and you lose sight of the greater things – such as the lesson to be learned from that failure and how you can grow stronger as a result of those lessons.
You refuse to accept that failure was a result of your own weakness.
And you start looking for excuses… you start looking for scapegoats, for something/someone to blame but yourself. And you further weave that lie in your core and that weakness continues to prevail. You let your ego take over your being.
And now, you have something to prove to the world – in your silly reality weaved of lies and ego – you MUST show the world you HAVE no weakness. That the failure was just a fluke.
An attitude like that presents the biggest obstacle to ever eliminating that weakness – how can you correct something that you deny as to existing? It’s like an alcoholic trying to “fix” his alcoholism when he doesn’t even recognize it as a problem!
And the vicious downward cycles continues.
Channel Your Napoleon Complex
If you are finding yourself in this mindset, I am here to tell you that until you humble thyself and admit to having weaknesses, you will NEVER be happy with yourself. You will ALWAYS have something to prove to the world.
Now, don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with ambition, drive, and motivation. Napoleon Complex does serve its purpose, but in the right place, time, and in the right quantity. You have to learn to channel this energy, this ambition. You have to learn to control this drive to become the better version of yourself.
Lest… it controls you and cause your own self-destruction.
I finally learned to distinguish reality from what I’d “like to be (but am not there yet)“; to distinguish my true self from that of my ego’s.
With this new year, take the time to look within yourself, humbly. Do away with any ego and any pretenses. Tear away any predisposition and self-defense mechanisms pretending to protect you from yourself. Be honest with yourself about your strengths and weakness.
Find out who you REALLY are, and be okay with that! Then set forth to becoming the better version of yourself for the new year, and every year after
Happy New Year!