My Journey To Wholeness
I’m going to share some insight to my story because I meet a lot of people whose story is just like mine. It has helped them when I have whispered my story to them because it allowed them to see that I do understand their circumstances.
God promises to always take our messes and make something beautiful of them. I stand on that promise. And it’s in that promise and His unfailing love and mercies that I’m not afraid to share my story with you. I’m not afraid of what you will think of me, because I know who I am in Christ and He loves me and accepts me for who I am and what I am and it’s His vote that counts. He does the same for you.
I will share with you this. I could not have gotten through the last 3 years as I began this journey, had it not been for Jesus carrying me through. I am very bold about making this claim because credit is due where credit is due. He never left me or turned his back on me. He was with me every moment, every second, every tear, every thought and word. He helped me put one foot in front of the other and some days, it was all I could do to simply get out of bed and walk. Jesus is always faithful. He is my strength and my salvation.
He reached down his loving hand to me and said:
“Let’s go Debbie. Let’s begin this journey together… me and you….and when it gets too tough…. you lean into my chest and cry and I’ll hold you and we’ll cry together and I will renew your strength and give you hope. Then, we’ll wipe the tears and work through one more day, sometimes one hour at a time. And when we get to the other side of this journey, I will reveal all that I have for you. There’s people for you to bless and touch and to make a difference in. I have so many good things in store for you, but you have to trust me and walk this journey. I would never hurt you. Trust me…. let’s go.”
So this is about being authentic with you. I’m a real person and share a planet with other real people. We all have hard times and issues and “stuff” we have to go though. To deny that is to not be honest. So, by sharing a little more of myself with you, I hope that it will inspire you to press forward and onward.
So why have I made my resolution now, November 16? Because it’s time.
It started 3 years ago. I resolved to make life changing decisions to go down a completely different path that I knew would be painful and challenge the very core of my being. I also knew if I could persevere, I would be a person of joy, I could impact thousands of lives, I could love myself and everyone else in the world, I would become the person God created me to be and discover my destiny.
But the road to get from where I was to where I wanted to go would be long, hard and painful. I had put it off for 25 years to avoid that.
But I hit the end of my rope. Have you ever been at the end of your rope? It’s a place I never want to be again.
I’ve been through a lot the last couple of years and what I discovered is that I couldn’t take care of everything I wanted/needed to change at once. It’s too much. The elephant was too big for me and so my journey had to take place one section at a time.
Journey Section #1:
My first goal was to be able to financially support myself. This section of my journey took a year and a half:
Obstacles during this time:
I encountered many failures in starting a business.
I did a lot of head banging against the computer, long hours figuring stuff out and going through the learning curve, a few 2 year old crying (snot nosed) temper tantrums (how grown up right?), thousands of dollars spent on bad decisions, hard lessons on perseverance, major testing of my desire and commitment, learning to be a leader before I was one, getting comfortable being uncomfortable, handling frustrations and disappointments, and asking myself occasionally, is it worth it?
My answer was always YES.
Borrowing from Peter to pay Paul.
I was trying to keep multiple mortgages afloat, HOA’s current, taxes paid, minimum payments on massive debt paid and so on and so forth. I was living on credit cards thinking the market would surely turn around. I think we all had hopes of that, but as it turns out, it’s still bad 3 years later here.
Since I always planned my budget a year in advance in my real estate practice, I had to pay thousands of dollars in contractual real estate advertising which I was obligated to before the market crashed.
As a result of trying to hang in there, my credit card debt shot to $110K. Try making that minimum payment every month at 21%-23% interest! Instead of filing bankruptcy and/or foreclosures, I was determined to float my boat. But that included dealing with creditors and ugly phone calls and threatening letters.
I was embarrassed and humiliated. I’ve always paid my obligations on time. That was the worse part of it, is worried about what other people thought of me.
And through this…. I’m trying to build a business. It’s difficult to focus on abundance, success, and be an entrepreneur when one is going through this kind of crisis.
I could have gotten a 9-5 job but the 40 hours a week I would have worked would not have begun to cover what I needed for monthly outgo. My debt and monthly obligations were too big for a 9-5. I would surely go down if I did that. I had to find a way to make a substantial income to get a handle on this debt.
Fast forward to today.
Today I have built 2 large online businesses and more are on the way. Outside of those 2 primary businesses, I have multiple streams of income through other affiliate products and I’m moving more and more into the coaching and mentoring aspect to help others get through what I went through without having to go through such a steep learning curve and without the drama and time it took me.
Journey Section #2:
This section of my journey took me 9 months. It was necessary to walk away from a 29 year marriage. I don’t wish to share the details of that or why, but to Steve’s good name and reputation, he’s a great person and never did anything to hurt me or the kids. He loves his family dearly. There’s nothing he wouldn’t do for anyone, he has a big heart. He’s an all around great guy. So, I’ll simply say that from the start, we were not compatible as lifelong partners.
Steve and I agreed that it was time to move on so we could both be happy again. I had suffered from marital situational depression which I tried to hide for years. I was so down and in a fog that it was necessary for me to move home with Mom and Dad 10 hours away, until I could get on my feet emotionally.
I took good counsel from a Christian psychologist, met new friends, began working in my hobby industry more, focused on my business and Ashley (she came with me, my 17 year old daughter). My folks were my angels.
After 10 months, I was light in spirit, the stress was gone, I was laughing again, discovering who I was and I loving me… I had a sense of humor, a spontaneous up and go spirit and had fun being silly with Ashley. I wanted to run and dance and meet people. Be a girl again…
Fast forward to today: I found a perfect home for Ashley and I and we moved in the first of October, 11 months after leaving the marital home. We’ve had a great time furnishing it and decorating her room.
I don’t even recognize my life today as having any similarities from 3 years ago. I’m independent, financially free, I have time freedom, I’m super happy and starting my life over again… I love my life today and love me again!
Ashley and I are going on a 9 day cruise leaving Dec 20 over the holidays and we’re so looking forward to it. We deserve it!
Obstacles during this 9 month period of time:
- Mom had 3 heart attacks
- Brother had a life-threatening stroke
- Car blew a head gasket
- Had to have tooth surgery
- Had to be away from Ashley during her summer break with her Dad
- Discovered that one of my condos’ taxes didn’t get paid and they it was going on the auction block for taxes due of $3,300. Dealt with that to clean it up.
- There are MANY small things not worth mentioning, but the “stuff” kept hitting the fan to say the least and I kept wondering… when is this going to end!
All while I was building a business, nursing Mom back to health, healing my own self emotionally.
Journey section #3.
Getting back in shape physically.
I looked in the mirror after getting all settled in to my new home and realizing the nightmare I’d just come out of, the incompatible marriage of 29 years, the struggle of financial downfall and rebuilding, starting my own business and my fight to find the inner “me” again, well, let’s just say…….I can see the train wreck in the physical.
I’ve never struggled with a weight problem until a few years ago when I found it difficult to take care of myself when I was trying to take care of so many other things that seemed to take all my focus and energy. I put on an extra 30 pounds and it was time for it to come off now.
It was time now for my next section on my journey….to clean up me physically. I had cleaned up the financial security, I cleaned up the emotional, I cleaned up the time freedom, I cleaned up the freedom to be me and to love again, and now, I’m ready for the next phase of my journey.
So, rather than wait until Jan 1, I’m doing it now. It’s time. I can handle it… one section at a time, right?
So, here’s what I’ve done….
I took up swimming and was up to 32 laps at a time, but I felt like a chemical sponge, soaking up that chlorine into my body…. It wasn’t working for me.
So I started taking step classes (which I used to do several times a week and loved). Boy am I feeling muscles I long forgot about. I go 3 times a week and then Zoomba on Friday nights with Ashley.
I’m choosing to eat healthy foods, lots of salads and chicken, drinking water with lemon. I’m enjoying smoothies and soups and fresh fruits. YUM-O!
I’ve been in for a physical and everything is fine. I will be losing 30 pounds (I’ve lost 5 with 25 left to go), watching my cholesterol and get into good cardio health.
I am undergoing major dental work that will end about June of next year, I have two implants scheduled and will be getting my full smile back. Looking forward to that!
I’ve scheduled a full body massage once a week. I treat my Mom and have her join me because she deserves it. We both deserve it.
I play in my hobby industry of scrapbooking a couple times a week. It’s fun to get lost in that with my girlfriends and have such a good time.
I am planning a month long self retreat and get away in Hawaii next summer. I want to spend a month by myself on a quiet white sandy beach and reflect upon my life, what God has in store for me, and a renewal of my spirit. I want to clean house with any internal obstacle in my life that would hold me back or keep me from pursuing my destiny. I’m looking for wholeness, completeness, total loving myself and seeing what God has for me.
I envision the beginning of a book to share my story and inspire others to do what it takes to pursue their dreams and lives goals and destiny. But, God will direct my steps. He’s in charge and I’m so glad He is.
Again, I share this to inspire you to do what you need to do to become the person you want to become. It is easy? No. Is it worth it? Yes. Can you do it? Yes.
I will keep you posted as to my physical journey….I’d like to be back in shape and where I should be in 3-4 months.
Obstacles along the way:
No doubt there will be some. That’s life. It’s how I respond to the obstacles and how bad I want to be in shape physically that will determine my outcome. It’s totally up to me. There’s one at this point.
My daughter loves to bake goodies.
The smells of delicious pastries and cookies and cakes filling the home, and, seeing these desserts emerge from the oven, is a tough one to ignore.
So, she is going to start experimenting with healthy yummy desserts and I’m enjoying ONE cookie instead of a plate of 4-5 warm chocolate chips cookies and big glass of cold milk. Here’s the question I ask out loud to myself.
“Debbie, do you what those cookies or do you want to be physically fit. Your choice.”
I want to be physically fit. But I also know that I don’t have to live a life of deprivement either. So I opt for 1 cookie, nibble it instead of woofing it and visualize my goal. It’s worked out great.
Journey Section #4:
I’m not there yet. It will be to fully discover my purpose and calling to serve others. But one step at a time.
In the meantime, I remain strong in personal development, in prayer, in action with growing my businesses and with developing deeper relationships with my children and those I love most. As doors open, I walk through them.
I remain grateful daily for people in my life that have taken much of this journey with me and have supported and cared for me along the way. I’m forever grateful to my parents, to Jeff Mills, Mark Hoverson and Stevie Knight. They have kept my confidences and ministered to me during this time. They showed up for me 100% of the time. They are all strong men and women of faith in God and have a calling on their own lives to serve and minister to others through their actions, their lives, their businesses. I love them dearly.
If you want to be real and share your story, or parts of it, please leave a comment. I’d love to hear about it.