9 Steps to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others So You Can Grow Your Business

yourselfBack in 2007 when I first entered the online world, it took me almost a year before I understood that I could be who I was and not someone else when it came to building my business.

In fact, I found being myself was a very important key to creating my success.  It was me just being me that attracted others to me and the same will work for you. 

And let me tell you how wonderful it feels and the freedom you will experience when you get to just be you! 

By reading this post, you will see how valuable you are to your business and what steps you can take in becoming comfortable with yourself so you can rock your business.

I'll never forget the very first conversation I had with my first mentor…  I said to him, "I want to be just like you".  He replied back, "You can't be like me, not going to happen!.  You can't possibly be like me." 

While we both understood it was meant in the text that I desired success, he wanted to make another point. 

You see I had been comparing myself to others and beating myself up about who I was NOT.  The more I compared myself, the more frustrated I got, the more insecure I became.  As this process continued, the more I became someone I didn't like which only set off a domino effect in all other areas of my life.  You can see, mentally, I was not prepared for true entrepreneurship.  My thinking was totally wrong.

This destructive behavior of comparing myself crept in and stole my confidence and my self-esteem.  I began thinking of myself as a loser and more and more was using words like "I can't".  Boy did I need a turn around which is why I connected with a mentor!  Thank goodness for fresh starts and mentors, yes?  I'm just being totally real with you here.

Since growing up as an entrepreneur, I take every opportunity to help others steer away from comparing themselves and encourage them to look for the good, the value, and  the self-worth in themselves.  Truly, until you love yourself, you cannot love others.

Here's a test to see how you're doing so you can make any corrections about what you're thinking.

Do you find yourself watching today's online marketers and wishing you were them?  It's wonderful to have role models and mentors, but not to envy their life or wish you could be them.

Are you trying to act like someone else online?  Often times as I see and interact with people online, it's very obvious who they are following by the way  they talk, move their head, change the infection, tone and accent of their speech, the words they use… (don't worry,  I won't mention any names).  We only need ONE of each person!  And only YOU can bring YOU to the table.  The world deserves to know YOU.

Are you thinking that unless you are exactly like them, you can't succeed?  This is a lie that your belief system is playing havoc with.  Change your beliefs!

Belief systems can kill your dreams and goals fast and furiously!  I mention belief systems because they are directly tied to the manifestation of trying to be someone or something you're not. 

I think it's safe to say that if you're human at all, you've tried to be someone you're not at some point in your life.  And you may have succeeded for awhile but to what avail?  How did that make you feel about your value and worth not only others, but to your inner self?

For me, I was comparing myself on many different levels.  See if you can identify any of these in your life.

1) to the younger generation who was coming online in business for the first time full of computer knowledge (I didn't grow up with computers so I was at a disadvantage right off the bat)

2) to those who had 10 times the energy I had. 

3) to those who seemed to have things just fall into place seamlessly and watching newbies that came into the business months after I did just fly by me to the top and I was still trying figure stuff out.

4) to those who had a bold and dynamic personality and lead webinars, knew all the answers and was telling me if I wanted to succeed, I had to do what they were doing (in essence).  I was wondering if I could ever be that dynamic, loud (in a good way) and full of that kind of energy and knowledge.

5) to those who had all the right looks, they were young and beautiful and made it known they exercised and were physically fit

6) to those who understood technology and grasped it like it was a piece of cake.

Come on now, am I talking to anyone reading this?!!!

I thought if I could somehow be like them, in every sense of the word, I would succeed. 

I tried to change myself to be like them. I thought I needed to learn faster yet the faster I tried to learn, the more frustrated I became.  The way I'm wired for information upload is simply a slower process.

I saw how eloquently some of them spoke  so I tried to talk like them only to find myself stumbling over words.  It was not natural. 

I began working out but just didn't have the energy to do everything I needed to do plus work which lead to guilty feelings… and I said to myself, "but so and so are doing it.." 

I would sit down to learn a new piece of technology with a great "can do" attitude but more often than not, 2 plus 2 never equaled 4.  Further,  I couldn't even understand the "follow the directions" stuff and had to hire someone to come and show me for goodness sakes.  Why did every little thing seem difficult?  What was wrong with me?!!!

What was wrong was I HAD to stop comparing myself! 

I had never compared myself to others in business before and I had tremendous success.  In fact, not only in my careers but in my hobby industry as well. 

For example, it never occurred to me that I would have a scrapbook fan club and be on TV, have my work published on everything from QVC to in-store displays to product packaging and in idea books all over the world for my hobby industry.  That kind of stuff only happens for outgoing, outspoken, bold people right?  After all, who was I?  I was just a shy woman who loved to scrapbook and loved to share my layouts, play with papers and embellishments and put things together.  But it allowed me to live passionately in my hobby industry. 

God can use us mightily if we will be our true selves, following our desires and interests passionately and touching others along the way.

In pursuing success with an online business in network marketing, I was really trying to live up to expectations of what I thought should be natural for me since it was for others.  I guess that's the simplest way to say it.  However, I was wired different from them.

I had to learn at my pace.
I had to talk how I talked.
I had to write how I write. 
I had to fumble forward in my own way.
I had to step out of the race and step into my journey.
I had to love who I was and appreciate the qualities and value I did have.

I would commit to improve over time when it came to honing my skillsets. 

I had to get a place in my entrepreneurial development where I could accept who I was and then work on being the BEST me I could be.

We all have a story about how we ended up online in business.   I had to share it.

We all have a personality.  I had to accept the quietness of mine.

We all have a sense of humor specific to us.  I had to learn to laugh at myself.

We all have a way about us that others will like or not like. (Not everyone will like you or me, that's cool)

We all have a way in which we learn.  I'm a visual learner and then I may have to see it a few times.

We all have flaws and imperfections.  Humanity is beautiful.

We all have the ability to be the best we can be.  Thank goodness for personal growth.

Here's the beautiful part.  As I began to accept who I was, which was a little bit shy, not well spoken, not your typical "social butterfly" but rather a private, quiet person, but with a genuine heart to be available to others on a one-to-one basis, I began to transform my business and how I viewed myself.  I discovered my value as people appreciated the one on one connection, masterminding and assistance. 

I eventually moved into hosting team calls, then company webinars and found that my information and the manner in which I presented it was very well received and appreciated.  People would say my tone was soothing and comforting, encouraging and the information helpful.  So I was discovering that through me just being me, I was making a difference and loving the fact I didn't have to put on a show.

As time went on, I discovered people joined me in business because of the very characteristics I listed above. 

Think about your own experiences.  You see who's who online.  If you're like most everyone I've talked to, you appreciate ALL their value and you follow them, keep up on the trainings and information and what they're doing.  But, you may not relate to them on a personal level.  Maybe you do and maybe you don't. 

There are many things that allow us to attract and repel from each other on a personal level.  These things can range from family status, to location, from religious beliefs to hobbies and interests.  This is why people join others (lesser known or completely unknown) rather than those who are gurus sometimes.  People want to do business with those they know, like and trust and that can be anyone. 

Of course you want to do business with those who are just like you, so by you being you, will attract others like you.  Put yourself out there and be the best you, you can be. 

You never want to stay where you're at.  You do want to grow from the inside out.  Your success and business will grow in relation to your inner growth so be sure and make that a priority.  Work harder on yourself than anything else.

Here are 9  things you can begin to practice to help you get to a place of being comfortable being you.

1.  Begin a personal development routine.  Listen to audio, watch video, read.This will help you renew your mindset, change your beliefs and implant new action steps to become the best you possible.  Learn and apply to your life.

2.  Identify a weakness that you want to work on.  Don't try to change all your weaknesses at once because you'll find yourself frustrated. 

3.  Come out strong with your strengths.  Focus on those and be grateful you have them. 

4.  Share and talk about what you do have knowledge of and are passionate about.

5.  Teach what you learn as you learn it when it comes to online stuff.

6.  If you don't know something, say so when asked..,. It's OK to not know everything!

7.  Celebrate little successes.  (Get through a conversation, stay organized, finish your blog post, make a video, host a webinar, etc.).  It doesn't matter if it's less than perfect.  Perfect doesn't count; effort does.  Feel good and acknowledge your accomplishment.  Remember,small improvements over time pays off.

8.  Allow people to see your silly quirks, your personality, your true self.  Share the things you love and are passionate about. 

9.  Make a decision and reaffirm it everyday, that you will be you, that you are good enough and you will continue to grow in personal development and inner growth to be the best you, the best leader, the best communicator, the best whatever… you can be. 

Understand that there are millions of people out there waiting to connect with you.  They share your likes and silliness, your interests and hobbies.  You share a like-minded goal and will work well together.  But until you put yourself out there, they can't find you.  Be excited about all that God created you to be. 

Scripture tells us that God doesn't make junk.  He lovingly and intricately created you exactly how He wanted you and destined you with a purpose.   You are His handiwork and He knew you before you were born.  God doesn't implant a desire with dreams and goals into your life and not provide a way for you to accomplish that.   It's the human programming you've been living throughout your life, your belief system, your thoughts that steal these dreams, although the internal deep desires are still there.

I'm so passionate about where your life can go if you WILL NOT give in to all the lies and beliefs that you have to be someone or something that you're not.  You have tremendous value to offer through your love, your nurturing, your caring, your thoughts and personality.  People want to know you care.  People want to be loved and helped.  We all want that.

I would so appreciate you leaving your comments and share your thoughts.  If you liked it, please retweet it and share it with your friends on Facebook!  Thanks!

Comments

  1. says

    This article make me feel good about my self. I am working on my personal development routine
    I thank you for increasing my knowledge.

  2. says

    I sure know what you are talking about Debbie.  I have been working on my internet business for quite some time.  I keep trying to do what others are doing and have decided to do things my way.  I am going to start doing a lot of videos and just talk from the heart and be ME.  Thank you for this great article. It sure hit home and made me realize what I am thinking I need to do.
    From another Debbie

  3. says

    Your thoughts, feelings and struggles seem to have come right out of my "playbook" too!   Thank you for expressing them so clearly.  The 9 steps to practice you listed are a great way to get back on track and know you are good enough being you and letting people know it.
    Debbie, thanks for all you do

  4. Debbie Turner says

    Hey Doug, 

    Thanks for your comment and I love who you are too!  It's nice to know that as a human race, we all experience some of the same issues, feelings and fears… and grab a hold of each other and move forward together.  Hope you're having an awesome summer. :)

  5. Debbie Turner says

    Hey Debbie,

    Isn't it great when we get to just be who we are?  I love that you're moving forward in that direction!  Way to go!  And thank you for taking the time to come by and leave a comment.  I appreciate it. :)

     

  6. Debbie Turner says

    Hi Brenda,

    I'm glad it touched you in some way.  Awesome about your personal development routine… it starts there.  Thanks for coming by!

  7. says

    Great post Debbie. You hit the nail on the head. Having a personal development routine is essential to finding out who you are, what your strengths are and for changing your mindset to believe in yourself.

  8. Debbie Turner says

    Hey Erica,

    thanks so much for stopping by and leaving a comment. I enjoy hearing from other like minded women leaders!

  9. says

    You are right on Debbie!  I really like this post that you made, I can tell it is straight from your heart.  I am glad I stopped by.  My readers will really like this as well.

  10. says

    Debbie,
    I can not express myself how important those words are to me. I've been following you for quite sometime now and everything that I thought of you is right here, in this wonderful words, feelings, thoughts. Thank you for sharing and helping us that are just starting in this new path.

    Vitoria

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